I used to sing in Evisorax, here’s the story of when we recorded the Enclave EP back in 2008…
When we arrived at the studio, it was nothing like it had been described to me. Nothing at all. Dan, Evisorax's guitarist, had told me to expect a quality studio with plenty of room, beds and even a PlayStation. In reality, it was a couple of grotty rooms stuck on the end of a farm, a few miles past the middle of nowhere - in Swindon . There was also a smashed up car outside. This was the fabled Studio 6, run by the respected producer Stu McKay. The four hour journey in the back of the transit van wasn’t too bad, but I did have to hold a piss in for an entire hour at one point. As our breath showed up in the cold air, Stu gave us a warm welcome, helped us load in and then left us there, and not one fuck was given. At this point we should've mentioned that we were ill-prepared for a night in this place as we didn't have sleeping bags or water (just beer and weed), but we were somewhat stunned by our new surroundings, and were idiots. I remember Dan comically looking at me and just saying: 'I brought a towel!'
However, we were there to record a death-grind EP, so king-sized beds and silk bog-roll would have to wait. At one point that night, as we surveyed the large recording room, we found a full cool-box and assumed Stu had left it for us, but it just contained a green, foam-like spore-emitting substance that we later ascertained was once bread. We drank a few cans and had a smoke whilst Dan entertained us with his quick-wit and revolting quips: ‘I need to go to a strip club so I can spaff my tears away.’ After enduring Keith (Evisorax’s then drummer) practice blasts about three feet away from my head for two hours, I wrapped myself in an ancient rug and tried to sleep. Despite being 6'7, Dan is terrified of spiders, so once the lights were out I took great pleasure in telling him how many would crawl over his face during the night.
The next day, we set up and began recording. Keith’s drums were laid down for most of this time. Stu was also a drummer and he insisted Keith use the in-house kit rather than his own, which we had rented the van to transport. Stu arrived later than promised and also took a really long lunch break. We should have asked him to be more punctual but we didn't want to create any bad-blood, as he was responsible for how good, or bad, the EP would eventually sound and we had high hopes for it. We also didn't have a car and were four hours' drive from home. That evening, we went into Swindon to watch The Red Chord play and they absolutely killed it, totally sonically levelled the venue – it was an inspiration. At the show, Stu said he'd sort us some sleeping bags but did he? Did he shit-bollocks. We made it back to the farm on public transport, a hike through the perilous roadside long-grass and then up the pitch-black dirt-track back to the cold confines of the studio. Consumption of booze and the filming of piss-head behaviour followed.
Dan's mother, Terry, arrived the next morning bearing a virtual banquet of bacon rolls and other snacks that raised our floundering spirits and cholesterols immediately. We hadn't eaten properly since we'd arrived and I can still clearly remember the taste of that most required of breakfasts. Stu ate Dan's bacon roll but Dan unintentionally got him back by showing him footage from the night before, where he made fun of him on camera. I remember Dan sitting him down with the camera and getting a bad feeling but I couldn't quite remember what had happened. When the offending phrase was uttered (something like 'he's a jibber’) the whole vibe dropped to a legitimate low. We should have addressed the situation then and there but we didn't and had to bask in the ensuing discomfort like a man wearing a polo-neck crammed full of peanut butter and insects.
Needless to say, Stu approached the rest of the recording with a worsened attitude and the day progressed slowly. The studio only had outdoor toilets but there were often various rough-looking gypsy types hanging around with gargantuan canines in tow, which looked like they would’ve killed and fucked me, in that order. I should have just pissed in the corner. Dan laid his guitar tracks down and Stu spent a lot of time digitally perfecting the tracks, something I wasn't happy with but they did sound extremely heavy. That evening, Dan's mum took pity on us and let us stay at her house which was about twenty miles away. The first thing she said when we got in the car was: 'you lads stink!'
That night was great. We all showered, were given a massive burger and chips meal and spent the night getting drunk on countless bottles of wine with Terry whilst shooting pool. Watching Dan and his mum interact was hilarious, she kept insisting Keith was in the closet and I don't know which one of them said the most disgustingly funny things. A highlight was them discussing his cock over dinner. After a rejuvenating night's sleep, we headed back to the Studio whilst listening to Doug Stanhope (who allowed us to sample him on the EP!) for the final day of recording.
I had to record my vocals and, by now, my throat had become sufficiently gruff due to all the beer and smoking I'd indulged in. I did some warm up screams whilst Stu filmed me without my knowledge or consent. Stu had promised to work with us for three full days but he only worked for about six hours a day, even before we dented his ego. By around five on Sunday, we'd recorded everything but there was still the mastering left to finish. Stu had arranged for another band to come in and practice that evening so we had to leave before we were done. Dan's dad, Bernard, arrived to take us back up North and we had to settle the payment, which Stu basically made up on the spot, he even charged us for sleeping in the studio! It's at this point we really should have protested, but we still only had a rough copy of the EP, and with mastering still to come – he held all the cards.
Dan had a wonderful argument with his dad about paying for the van's petrol which resulted in him shouting 'why don't you just fuck me with a strap-on?!' this was side-splitting, until I found out I was the only one who was going back in the van with Bernard. As I got in the van, Bernard, an intimidating, no-nonsense type, asked me which route to take, I said I didn't know and he gave me a look that still haunts me. Dan’s comment about strap-on fucking certainly hadn’t helped the eight hour round trip he was currently enduring. We sat in complete silence for the next two hours before he put on some Bob Dylan and we began talking. When I finally arrived home, some four hours later, I took out the rough EP to listen to, looking forward to finally hearing the results of the experience. The fucking case was empty.
We ended up getting signed off the EP, Enclave, first to Thirty Days of Night and then to Anticulture, but that's another shit-storm entirely...
